The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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