my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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