Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
