he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
