I'm jealous of your bromance
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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