He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
