And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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