the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
