He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
