Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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