Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
