Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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