He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
