It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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