You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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