You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
