I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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