You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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