i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
