Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
