i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
