Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
