So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
