I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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