So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
