I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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