Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
