Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
