Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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