who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
