New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
