theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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