Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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