If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
