I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
