I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
