Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
