so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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