I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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