And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
