tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
