Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
