I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
