You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
