After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
