hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
