My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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