He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
