Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
