My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
