What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
