he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
