I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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