I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I smell stomach acid.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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