Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
