Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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