Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
