He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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