Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
