Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize