Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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