a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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