He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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