I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
