I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
