I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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