Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
