my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
