If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
