Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
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bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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