Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize