I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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