i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
