What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
