so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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