Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
