just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
