just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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