Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
