this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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