Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
